Post by Funky George! on Aug 21, 2008 21:08:30 GMT -5
1. After complaints about laziness in his trade block, a lack of posting and failure to return PMs, is it time to cut the cord on Donatello?
Who? No seriously, this guy has done what exactly? Understandably, he took over a team in a fairly rough situation, not a ton to work with, not the easiest situation to be active in due to their general shittiness. But still, I honestly can't remember a single post he's made. This is BB-fuckin-S man, not lasagna night at the Outlawz's house. Stir some shit up, post in a padding thread, make a trade, fucking ... fucking do something. You're boring me dude. Your name is not cool enough to keep you around for much longer. Don was the lamest ninja turtle anyways.
2. Nobody has been fired from the Contract Year, though it's safe to say multiple guys have done very shitty jobs throughout their stint in this league. Change the rule to make it stricter and present your case here.
I don't think the rule needs to be stricter. It's serving it's purpose. Teams are forced to take shorter rebuilding routes and are unable to just try and sit on talent. A GM doesn't necessarily have to be fired as a result of the contract year for the rule to be effective. For the rule to be effective it has to encourage trading and discourage stagnation, that's exactly what it does. Teams are literally forced to make blockbuster moves and trade for established players at a certain point. If the contract year doesn't exist, does James even think about moving Bynum right now? Hell no. Because of the rule, we all get a nice trade to look at and shit on people for.
3. Is Outlawz in the middle of turning his team into a contender, or with shitty TCs from his draft picks and an inability to get any interest in Rip, has this been his first big failure in BBS?
Fuck this question, let me spread a little truth about Outlawz. He's not an outlaw. He's not even the type of dude to commit a misdemeanor. He's a fucking sim league wizard. Now, how would a dude get so good at figuring out the intricacies of a computer program largely based on numbers and production if he was out "drankin' fowties" and "smokin' blunts" with his "bitches" and "homeboys"? Dude is a computer programmer. He's refusing to play a 5'3" (rough estimation) white Jewish guy in ball because he's afraid he'll get punked. Come on man. Your shit is weak. I'm dropping the "z" off of your name duke. From now on, you're just Outlaws to me. The "s" stands for "sucka."
4. Do the Lakers really have enough offense to be do any damage in the playoffs?
Are you fucking nuts? They have one of the best offensive backcourts in the damn league. Do I really have to write an answer detailing the offensive attributes of Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili? Stephen Jackson is an A outside shooter to boot. Don't be stupid Haberman.
5. Who had the best offseason? Who had the worst?
What happened this offseason? I haven't really been paying attention. I think the Heat came out pretty well, just based on Rubio and the benefits of an awesome TC. They're stacked with some of the most lethal young talent in the league - with the way prospects are valued these days, they could probably win a title this year if they just played their cards decently and shipped off a few pieces for young studs. I guess the Lakers and Nets had shitty offseasons because they lost major players in FA, which seems to happen pretty rarely. I guess that's my answer. This question didn't have nearly enough potential for swearing.
6. Would you have fired Lumley?
Uh, yeah.
7. Who is the most impossible GM to trade with?
Martinez. Martinez Martinez Martinez. FUCK you Martinez. You're an absolute cock monkey. You eat your own feces for entertainment. You are an absolute king of douchebaggery. But you know what gets me the most about this cunt muscle (what up AHM)? He is so fucking delusional, so warped by whatever head-dropping-alcohol-in-his-baby-bottle upbringing he had that he actually thinks he deserves to be alive, to exist with the rest of us people. You are not funny. You are not smart. You are fucking RIDICULOUS. WHY ARE YOU HERE? NO ONE LIKES YOU. FUCKING LEAVE.
Goddamit.
8. Which team will win BBS this year?
Basone's Blaza's. DJ's TC really pushed them over the edge. Darko/Nenad compliment each other so well in the frontcourt, I don't think a team matches the offensive firepower that they have combined with depth, defensive ability and good ballhandling. Lakers are close. Bucks are pretty sick too. But I see Basone as being superior right now while having a comparable amount of assets to continue to improve from this point. Imagine if Thad didn't shit the bed. Scary.
9. This offseason, Mark shopped the package of Elton Brand and Baron Davis for just one top prospects. Baron Davis and Elton Brand are two absolute superstars in the primes of their careers. Both have arguable the best set of ratings of any player at their respective positions if you forget the names Tony Parker and Gilbert Arenas. For some of examples of the ridiculousness of the trade market, Allstar wouldn't deal Mark Patrick Patter for Brand. He couldn't land Demar Derozan; he couldn't land Al-Farouq Aminu; he couldn't get Andrew Bynum. God forbid he ask about a guy like Chris Paul, who, gasp, has worse handles than Baron and isn't two superstars. He's just one. But he's six years younger than both these guys so his value is apparently 10x theirs combined. Objectivity aside, this is an indictiment of how pathetically warped some GMs are when it comes to what it takes to be a good GM. So, how severely do teams around the league overrate youth? If you disagree, well, you better fucking write an essay. And please, name names.
Haberman, this is about me, not you. Fuck this long question. I'm not even going to read it.
Yo, I'm also heading to the bar right now but I'll answer the last few questions when I get back. So ... fucking eh, they should be a little more fun. Cheers to beers, Marty's a queer. Did Spencer sim while I was writing this? What the fuck?
Three days later...
10. Now, name some more names. Pick five GMs and tell them why they're doing a terrible job.
1. Allstar. God, do I really have to explain? It seems like your goal in this league is to win 40 games every four seasons, then suck for a while, then win 40 more games, then suck for a while ... it's like this pattern of perpertual suckitude. It's not like he's one of those guys who never goes for the title but always fields competitive teams. He fields really shitty teams, then wins just enough to keep his ridiculously terrible ass in the league, then goes back to shit. You suck dude.
2. DJ. Honestly, you just waste opportunities. The amount of ridiculously sick players you've had on your team at one point or another without pushing them over the top is fucking terrible. You should have had a dynasty already. Certain GMs try and make that title push from time to time but just don't have the shit to actually make it happen, not enough talent. You've continuously had the talent to make a title push but have just sat back and not pursued simple deals that could've gotten you there. Multiple titles homie. You should have multiple titles at this point.
3. Nova. Dude, I don't have a big long explanation here. I'm just going to make it really simple - you don't evaluate talent well. Guys you think are sick are OK. The end. You gotta get more of an FBB mind before you can be the type of GM who wins titles. You're not even close to understanding the program well enough yet.
4. Maniac. Wahhh, I lost Hinrich, I had a plan, I was gunna win but I got screwed, it's all the games fault, boo fucking hoo. I don't care if you had a plan. I don't care if you lost Hinrich. I don't fucking care. You had a three time MVP. By far the best player in the history of the league. You didn't do SHIT with him. Not shit, not shit at all. How does that happen? Because you fucking suck, that's how. Honestly, I've never seen so many excuses for how someone can be awesome yet still suck so hard in one article in my life. Get some balls, admit you fucked up. Bitch.
5. Me. Yeah. Like this. I'm not doing well in this league. I'm making decisions too quickly and not having the patience to try and build through the draft. I'm consistently underestimating the amount of talent it takes to win a championship - I've been thinking that by adding certain pieces around a system it's possible, but I simply never have had the horses. I don't make big enough splashes, I use my assets to acquire players who aren't going to push me over the edge instead of stockpiling them to be used effectively. I've been awesomely mediocre, I've made the playoffs more than any other GM in this league, have a fantastic win rating ... but only two years can I say I felt like I had even a shot at a 'ship. My shit has been weak so far. At least I'm not trying to pin it on everyone except myself.
11. Washington sits in the 45+ win range in a depleted East. He has two elite talents and lots of good chips but hasn't kept an active block to add a piece. What does JAH need to do to put his team over the top?
Fucking something? What does Jah always do? Hey dude, check it out - you have ALL of your picks right now. You have two young A potential players who could net you studs in Harris and Hansbrough You have a considerable weak spot in your starting line with Turiaf at center. How about, oh, I don't know, MAKING A BIG FUCKING TRADE. With all that youth and all those picks, is there a limit to the big time players you could be adding right now? Go get SOMEONE. Fucking anyone man. Go. Do it. Now. Win. Trade your assets. You have so many tradeable assets. Trade them.
12. What's the future for the Detroit Pistons? At this point, should Reilly keep squeezing the most he can out of his vets and turning deals for whichever impact player he can get, or is it time for Reilly's first rebuild in pretty much 40 BBS seasons?
If he can get his pick back for this season, by all means, rebuild. If not, see if there's anything available for these vets (Kaman and Tayshaun should be able to land him some picks at least) and try to get 40 this year so you've got an extra year to maximize on the picks you do have. Honestly, Reilly will be fine. He's one of the smartest GMs in the league. He knows talent, he knows how to build winners. No need to be worrying about his team.
13. Whatever you want to talk about. Shoot. Go. Do it.
So I'm chillin with this girl the other night, kinda petite brunette, friend of a friend, whatever. Coming back from the cottage on a Sunday and meeting her. Tell her to come down to my area and we'll go for a walk, enjoy a little conversation, maybe watch a movie after, something relaxing because I just raged all weekend and my head feels like it's going to fucking explode if I look at a drop of alcohol. Normally I'd puff a spliff with the lady but she's not into that (she's an athlete) so we just walk for a bit. I show her this chill park, we take in scenery, talk about weird fuckers walking by, the general madness and bullshit. She says she just wants to rent a movie and stay in, doesn't feel like being around a bunch of people, so I dig that scene. We're downstairs in my basement, watching Be Kind Rewind (pretty fucking decent for a Jack Black movie, turns out) and we start playing fun little under blanket games, nothing major to start with. Anyways, movie ends and it's go time. But like, as we start to make out, I realize something fucking terrifying.
This is the first time in about 4 years I've gotten down with a girl completely sober.
That's not a lie at all. Every time I've hooked up since my high school sweetheart I've been either drunk or high. Shit, if I hadn't come straight from the cottage to meet this girl, I probably would've been high this time too. But I'm fucking NOT. And I am FREAKING OUT. I start feeling all awkward and shit, like suddenly all aware of what's going down instead of just doing it, this whole interior monologue thing going on ... "why am I only going left with my kissing here, I can shift my head right if I need to? Is she trying to take my shirt off or just putting her hands there? Should I take her shirt off? Would she be cool with that? Fuck she's got some ridiculous legs. Should I tell her? Would that be sexy or awkward? I wonder if she's a talker ... man I wish I was high." It was the most stressful 15 minutes of my life yo.
Then I fucked her on the floor of my parents basement. And smoked a big fattie after I walked her to the subway. All in all, solid night.
Who? No seriously, this guy has done what exactly? Understandably, he took over a team in a fairly rough situation, not a ton to work with, not the easiest situation to be active in due to their general shittiness. But still, I honestly can't remember a single post he's made. This is BB-fuckin-S man, not lasagna night at the Outlawz's house. Stir some shit up, post in a padding thread, make a trade, fucking ... fucking do something. You're boring me dude. Your name is not cool enough to keep you around for much longer. Don was the lamest ninja turtle anyways.
2. Nobody has been fired from the Contract Year, though it's safe to say multiple guys have done very shitty jobs throughout their stint in this league. Change the rule to make it stricter and present your case here.
I don't think the rule needs to be stricter. It's serving it's purpose. Teams are forced to take shorter rebuilding routes and are unable to just try and sit on talent. A GM doesn't necessarily have to be fired as a result of the contract year for the rule to be effective. For the rule to be effective it has to encourage trading and discourage stagnation, that's exactly what it does. Teams are literally forced to make blockbuster moves and trade for established players at a certain point. If the contract year doesn't exist, does James even think about moving Bynum right now? Hell no. Because of the rule, we all get a nice trade to look at and shit on people for.
3. Is Outlawz in the middle of turning his team into a contender, or with shitty TCs from his draft picks and an inability to get any interest in Rip, has this been his first big failure in BBS?
Fuck this question, let me spread a little truth about Outlawz. He's not an outlaw. He's not even the type of dude to commit a misdemeanor. He's a fucking sim league wizard. Now, how would a dude get so good at figuring out the intricacies of a computer program largely based on numbers and production if he was out "drankin' fowties" and "smokin' blunts" with his "bitches" and "homeboys"? Dude is a computer programmer. He's refusing to play a 5'3" (rough estimation) white Jewish guy in ball because he's afraid he'll get punked. Come on man. Your shit is weak. I'm dropping the "z" off of your name duke. From now on, you're just Outlaws to me. The "s" stands for "sucka."
4. Do the Lakers really have enough offense to be do any damage in the playoffs?
Are you fucking nuts? They have one of the best offensive backcourts in the damn league. Do I really have to write an answer detailing the offensive attributes of Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili? Stephen Jackson is an A outside shooter to boot. Don't be stupid Haberman.
5. Who had the best offseason? Who had the worst?
What happened this offseason? I haven't really been paying attention. I think the Heat came out pretty well, just based on Rubio and the benefits of an awesome TC. They're stacked with some of the most lethal young talent in the league - with the way prospects are valued these days, they could probably win a title this year if they just played their cards decently and shipped off a few pieces for young studs. I guess the Lakers and Nets had shitty offseasons because they lost major players in FA, which seems to happen pretty rarely. I guess that's my answer. This question didn't have nearly enough potential for swearing.
6. Would you have fired Lumley?
Uh, yeah.
7. Who is the most impossible GM to trade with?
Martinez. Martinez Martinez Martinez. FUCK you Martinez. You're an absolute cock monkey. You eat your own feces for entertainment. You are an absolute king of douchebaggery. But you know what gets me the most about this cunt muscle (what up AHM)? He is so fucking delusional, so warped by whatever head-dropping-alcohol-in-his-baby-bottle upbringing he had that he actually thinks he deserves to be alive, to exist with the rest of us people. You are not funny. You are not smart. You are fucking RIDICULOUS. WHY ARE YOU HERE? NO ONE LIKES YOU. FUCKING LEAVE.
Goddamit.
8. Which team will win BBS this year?
Basone's Blaza's. DJ's TC really pushed them over the edge. Darko/Nenad compliment each other so well in the frontcourt, I don't think a team matches the offensive firepower that they have combined with depth, defensive ability and good ballhandling. Lakers are close. Bucks are pretty sick too. But I see Basone as being superior right now while having a comparable amount of assets to continue to improve from this point. Imagine if Thad didn't shit the bed. Scary.
9. This offseason, Mark shopped the package of Elton Brand and Baron Davis for just one top prospects. Baron Davis and Elton Brand are two absolute superstars in the primes of their careers. Both have arguable the best set of ratings of any player at their respective positions if you forget the names Tony Parker and Gilbert Arenas. For some of examples of the ridiculousness of the trade market, Allstar wouldn't deal Mark Patrick Patter for Brand. He couldn't land Demar Derozan; he couldn't land Al-Farouq Aminu; he couldn't get Andrew Bynum. God forbid he ask about a guy like Chris Paul, who, gasp, has worse handles than Baron and isn't two superstars. He's just one. But he's six years younger than both these guys so his value is apparently 10x theirs combined. Objectivity aside, this is an indictiment of how pathetically warped some GMs are when it comes to what it takes to be a good GM. So, how severely do teams around the league overrate youth? If you disagree, well, you better fucking write an essay. And please, name names.
Haberman, this is about me, not you. Fuck this long question. I'm not even going to read it.
Yo, I'm also heading to the bar right now but I'll answer the last few questions when I get back. So ... fucking eh, they should be a little more fun. Cheers to beers, Marty's a queer. Did Spencer sim while I was writing this? What the fuck?
Three days later...
10. Now, name some more names. Pick five GMs and tell them why they're doing a terrible job.
1. Allstar. God, do I really have to explain? It seems like your goal in this league is to win 40 games every four seasons, then suck for a while, then win 40 more games, then suck for a while ... it's like this pattern of perpertual suckitude. It's not like he's one of those guys who never goes for the title but always fields competitive teams. He fields really shitty teams, then wins just enough to keep his ridiculously terrible ass in the league, then goes back to shit. You suck dude.
2. DJ. Honestly, you just waste opportunities. The amount of ridiculously sick players you've had on your team at one point or another without pushing them over the top is fucking terrible. You should have had a dynasty already. Certain GMs try and make that title push from time to time but just don't have the shit to actually make it happen, not enough talent. You've continuously had the talent to make a title push but have just sat back and not pursued simple deals that could've gotten you there. Multiple titles homie. You should have multiple titles at this point.
3. Nova. Dude, I don't have a big long explanation here. I'm just going to make it really simple - you don't evaluate talent well. Guys you think are sick are OK. The end. You gotta get more of an FBB mind before you can be the type of GM who wins titles. You're not even close to understanding the program well enough yet.
4. Maniac. Wahhh, I lost Hinrich, I had a plan, I was gunna win but I got screwed, it's all the games fault, boo fucking hoo. I don't care if you had a plan. I don't care if you lost Hinrich. I don't fucking care. You had a three time MVP. By far the best player in the history of the league. You didn't do SHIT with him. Not shit, not shit at all. How does that happen? Because you fucking suck, that's how. Honestly, I've never seen so many excuses for how someone can be awesome yet still suck so hard in one article in my life. Get some balls, admit you fucked up. Bitch.
5. Me. Yeah. Like this. I'm not doing well in this league. I'm making decisions too quickly and not having the patience to try and build through the draft. I'm consistently underestimating the amount of talent it takes to win a championship - I've been thinking that by adding certain pieces around a system it's possible, but I simply never have had the horses. I don't make big enough splashes, I use my assets to acquire players who aren't going to push me over the edge instead of stockpiling them to be used effectively. I've been awesomely mediocre, I've made the playoffs more than any other GM in this league, have a fantastic win rating ... but only two years can I say I felt like I had even a shot at a 'ship. My shit has been weak so far. At least I'm not trying to pin it on everyone except myself.
11. Washington sits in the 45+ win range in a depleted East. He has two elite talents and lots of good chips but hasn't kept an active block to add a piece. What does JAH need to do to put his team over the top?
Fucking something? What does Jah always do? Hey dude, check it out - you have ALL of your picks right now. You have two young A potential players who could net you studs in Harris and Hansbrough You have a considerable weak spot in your starting line with Turiaf at center. How about, oh, I don't know, MAKING A BIG FUCKING TRADE. With all that youth and all those picks, is there a limit to the big time players you could be adding right now? Go get SOMEONE. Fucking anyone man. Go. Do it. Now. Win. Trade your assets. You have so many tradeable assets. Trade them.
12. What's the future for the Detroit Pistons? At this point, should Reilly keep squeezing the most he can out of his vets and turning deals for whichever impact player he can get, or is it time for Reilly's first rebuild in pretty much 40 BBS seasons?
If he can get his pick back for this season, by all means, rebuild. If not, see if there's anything available for these vets (Kaman and Tayshaun should be able to land him some picks at least) and try to get 40 this year so you've got an extra year to maximize on the picks you do have. Honestly, Reilly will be fine. He's one of the smartest GMs in the league. He knows talent, he knows how to build winners. No need to be worrying about his team.
13. Whatever you want to talk about. Shoot. Go. Do it.
So I'm chillin with this girl the other night, kinda petite brunette, friend of a friend, whatever. Coming back from the cottage on a Sunday and meeting her. Tell her to come down to my area and we'll go for a walk, enjoy a little conversation, maybe watch a movie after, something relaxing because I just raged all weekend and my head feels like it's going to fucking explode if I look at a drop of alcohol. Normally I'd puff a spliff with the lady but she's not into that (she's an athlete) so we just walk for a bit. I show her this chill park, we take in scenery, talk about weird fuckers walking by, the general madness and bullshit. She says she just wants to rent a movie and stay in, doesn't feel like being around a bunch of people, so I dig that scene. We're downstairs in my basement, watching Be Kind Rewind (pretty fucking decent for a Jack Black movie, turns out) and we start playing fun little under blanket games, nothing major to start with. Anyways, movie ends and it's go time. But like, as we start to make out, I realize something fucking terrifying.
This is the first time in about 4 years I've gotten down with a girl completely sober.
That's not a lie at all. Every time I've hooked up since my high school sweetheart I've been either drunk or high. Shit, if I hadn't come straight from the cottage to meet this girl, I probably would've been high this time too. But I'm fucking NOT. And I am FREAKING OUT. I start feeling all awkward and shit, like suddenly all aware of what's going down instead of just doing it, this whole interior monologue thing going on ... "why am I only going left with my kissing here, I can shift my head right if I need to? Is she trying to take my shirt off or just putting her hands there? Should I take her shirt off? Would she be cool with that? Fuck she's got some ridiculous legs. Should I tell her? Would that be sexy or awkward? I wonder if she's a talker ... man I wish I was high." It was the most stressful 15 minutes of my life yo.
Then I fucked her on the floor of my parents basement. And smoked a big fattie after I walked her to the subway. All in all, solid night.
