Post by Dave on Apr 12, 2008 0:53:09 GMT -5
1. Utah Jazz- The people of Salt Lake just can never seem to get over the hump. First it was Michael Jordan and the Bulls wasting the careers of Karl Malone and John Stockton who both eventually parted ways to have less than stellar careers elsewhere in BBS. The Jazz then built up a powerful lineup that included Shaq, Mcdyess, Camby, Houston, Larry Johnson, Sam Cassell, and somehow still managed to lose in the finals. The curse of the Mormons lives on.
2. Sacramento Kings- Reports from the Sac Bee tell us that Latrell Spreewell might be the craziest man in BBS. Supposedly Spreewell has bought over 50% of the seats in ARCO Arena because he was angered by the boo's. We know Spreewell isn't the best teammate to have around just ask anyone in Detroit or former King standouts Alonzo Mourning and Grant Hill but Spreewell actually might be onto something here. His owner loves it because ticket sales are up 50%....weird I wonder why?
3. Portland Trailblazers- People wished this team would die of maleria like many elementary students do playing Oregon Trail but this team always floats to mediocrity but perhaps this is the year where they hit rock bottom. Trading away what seemed to be a nice veteran presence in Big Dogg Glenn Robinson has crushed the team's spirts. Krstic said through a translator who also speaks without using vowels, "I miss my dawg he was like the twin brother I never had" Krstic shed a few tears during the questioning. We caught up with owner Dan Basone at an Italian winery in the country where we found him kneeling on his bar stool but for some reason wasn't getting served and denies ever seeing us.
4. Memphis Grizzlies- If you ask GM Christian Martinez I'm sure he would tell you the Grizzlies are a great team with a great future. If you asked GM Christian Martinez's crack dealer about the Memphis Grizzlies he'll tell you, "Look like dat team bein ran by a crack head motha fucka." Grizzlies franchise player Stephen Jackson has been a great influence over his younger teammates Caron Butler, Jamal Tinsley, and Jason Jennings showing them how to support their local strippers. Approximately 99.9% of Memphis strip clubs are 99.9% funded by Grizzly players, coaches, and GMs. This does include the all 5 of the all male review clubs where cock fighting is legal and we're not talking about roosters.
5. Chicago Bulls- The windy city really blows....haha I made a joke see. Chicago has gotten two Swift kicks in the Bulls with Stromile and Roberts.....haha another joke. Ok honestly the Bulls are one big joke after other and couldn't be a sadder franchise. This is the last year before everything must quickly come together for the Play and the Bulls otherwise we will have our first victim of the contract year.....yay!
6. LA Clippers- The Clippers are one of those up and coming teams with a strong front court that features Josh Smith, Andris Beidrins, and Darko Milicic. Darko told the LA Times with a very straight faced that he would eat children if he could to bulk up for next season because thats how dedicated he is to the franchise. Well thanks Darko for being such a team player as its not me its we!
7. Boston Celtics- Drinkin Drinkin Drinkin Drinkin Drunk are the famous words of Dropkick Murphy's but it really applies to the state of the Boston Celtics franchise. Once a proud franchise that boasted the likes of Kobe Bryant on billboards now has a large picture Peja Stajakovic with a bunch of broken beer bottles at the bottom of it. Keelty curse reigns strong in Boston as he'll always be good/bad enough to win 40 games every 4 seasons but never good/bad enough to do any better/worse. The only people in Boston who are happy about the Celtics are bar owners as their business sky rockets from mass depressions.
8. Milwaukee Bucks- Could be better than what they are as they have 3 solid youngsters who are poised to be one of the best young trios in the league however they aren't quite there yet and GM Jordan Jones, no relation to Jerry or Jenny, has big plans for the future which includes over paying for someone this offseason. A little fact of life did you know the term "Horny" derives from the mating season when Bucks grow their horns to fend off other males in order to mate. I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
9. Washington Wizards- KG can't stay silent anymore and his trade demands keep growing and growing louder each and every game. He even said his own Ja-Hall-Star, Jah-all-star, j-hallster, jaha-lester is the worst owner to play for in BBS. He said Jah makes Keelty look like George Steinbrenner in comparison. Wow harsh. The Wizards have let the best player in the leagues prime come and go barely being a playoff team. Such a shame. We asked Jah to comment but he was out making the big bucks. We did catch up with Rick Fox though on the set of his latest soap opera and he said things couldn't be better in Washington and in his mind they're a threat for the title. Ok Rick.
10. LA Lakers- The Lakers are surprise listing on the powerless rankings but when a team doesn't have a coach or a GM its kind of hard to say they have power. GM Hernando Courtwright was last where abouts have been unknown. Some say Acapulco others say he is with Carmen San Diego and seriously....where in the world is Carmen San Diego? We visted Lakers practice to find Zach Randolph on the exercise bike on the sidelines watching Step by Step on the flat screen thats in front of the bike. Ok we were a little thrown by this at first but we felt a lot more comfortable when we saw he wasn't exercising on the bike rather just sitting on it eating chicken wings. Ricky Davis was practicing missing layups and getting his own rebound, Dirk was playing Tennis with Steve Blake, while Morris Peterson and Al Harrington were shooting trick shots from the bleechers, Jameer Nelson was hanging upside down in hopes to grow, Magloire was deported, and Melvin Ely was somewhere in the Valley making home videos. While writing this report we found GM Hernando on a milk box and his real location is still unknown but now he has a phone number if you can find him please call in. 1-800-Missing
2. Sacramento Kings- Reports from the Sac Bee tell us that Latrell Spreewell might be the craziest man in BBS. Supposedly Spreewell has bought over 50% of the seats in ARCO Arena because he was angered by the boo's. We know Spreewell isn't the best teammate to have around just ask anyone in Detroit or former King standouts Alonzo Mourning and Grant Hill but Spreewell actually might be onto something here. His owner loves it because ticket sales are up 50%....weird I wonder why?
3. Portland Trailblazers- People wished this team would die of maleria like many elementary students do playing Oregon Trail but this team always floats to mediocrity but perhaps this is the year where they hit rock bottom. Trading away what seemed to be a nice veteran presence in Big Dogg Glenn Robinson has crushed the team's spirts. Krstic said through a translator who also speaks without using vowels, "I miss my dawg he was like the twin brother I never had" Krstic shed a few tears during the questioning. We caught up with owner Dan Basone at an Italian winery in the country where we found him kneeling on his bar stool but for some reason wasn't getting served and denies ever seeing us.
4. Memphis Grizzlies- If you ask GM Christian Martinez I'm sure he would tell you the Grizzlies are a great team with a great future. If you asked GM Christian Martinez's crack dealer about the Memphis Grizzlies he'll tell you, "Look like dat team bein ran by a crack head motha fucka." Grizzlies franchise player Stephen Jackson has been a great influence over his younger teammates Caron Butler, Jamal Tinsley, and Jason Jennings showing them how to support their local strippers. Approximately 99.9% of Memphis strip clubs are 99.9% funded by Grizzly players, coaches, and GMs. This does include the all 5 of the all male review clubs where cock fighting is legal and we're not talking about roosters.
5. Chicago Bulls- The windy city really blows....haha I made a joke see. Chicago has gotten two Swift kicks in the Bulls with Stromile and Roberts.....haha another joke. Ok honestly the Bulls are one big joke after other and couldn't be a sadder franchise. This is the last year before everything must quickly come together for the Play and the Bulls otherwise we will have our first victim of the contract year.....yay!
6. LA Clippers- The Clippers are one of those up and coming teams with a strong front court that features Josh Smith, Andris Beidrins, and Darko Milicic. Darko told the LA Times with a very straight faced that he would eat children if he could to bulk up for next season because thats how dedicated he is to the franchise. Well thanks Darko for being such a team player as its not me its we!
7. Boston Celtics- Drinkin Drinkin Drinkin Drinkin Drunk are the famous words of Dropkick Murphy's but it really applies to the state of the Boston Celtics franchise. Once a proud franchise that boasted the likes of Kobe Bryant on billboards now has a large picture Peja Stajakovic with a bunch of broken beer bottles at the bottom of it. Keelty curse reigns strong in Boston as he'll always be good/bad enough to win 40 games every 4 seasons but never good/bad enough to do any better/worse. The only people in Boston who are happy about the Celtics are bar owners as their business sky rockets from mass depressions.
8. Milwaukee Bucks- Could be better than what they are as they have 3 solid youngsters who are poised to be one of the best young trios in the league however they aren't quite there yet and GM Jordan Jones, no relation to Jerry or Jenny, has big plans for the future which includes over paying for someone this offseason. A little fact of life did you know the term "Horny" derives from the mating season when Bucks grow their horns to fend off other males in order to mate. I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
9. Washington Wizards- KG can't stay silent anymore and his trade demands keep growing and growing louder each and every game. He even said his own Ja-Hall-Star, Jah-all-star, j-hallster, jaha-lester is the worst owner to play for in BBS. He said Jah makes Keelty look like George Steinbrenner in comparison. Wow harsh. The Wizards have let the best player in the leagues prime come and go barely being a playoff team. Such a shame. We asked Jah to comment but he was out making the big bucks. We did catch up with Rick Fox though on the set of his latest soap opera and he said things couldn't be better in Washington and in his mind they're a threat for the title. Ok Rick.
10. LA Lakers- The Lakers are surprise listing on the powerless rankings but when a team doesn't have a coach or a GM its kind of hard to say they have power. GM Hernando Courtwright was last where abouts have been unknown. Some say Acapulco others say he is with Carmen San Diego and seriously....where in the world is Carmen San Diego? We visted Lakers practice to find Zach Randolph on the exercise bike on the sidelines watching Step by Step on the flat screen thats in front of the bike. Ok we were a little thrown by this at first but we felt a lot more comfortable when we saw he wasn't exercising on the bike rather just sitting on it eating chicken wings. Ricky Davis was practicing missing layups and getting his own rebound, Dirk was playing Tennis with Steve Blake, while Morris Peterson and Al Harrington were shooting trick shots from the bleechers, Jameer Nelson was hanging upside down in hopes to grow, Magloire was deported, and Melvin Ely was somewhere in the Valley making home videos. While writing this report we found GM Hernando on a milk box and his real location is still unknown but now he has a phone number if you can find him please call in. 1-800-Missing
Great article.
