Post by Funky George! on May 23, 2008 16:22:17 GMT -5
There he is! The newest addition to the Orlando Magic, though he stands at over seven feet tall, is hunched over on the ground, coughing up blood. He holds his scrotum, moans a bit and then receives a fierce blow to the head.
Andrew Bynum rests his foot on the ground. Monta Ellis laughs giddily. Over in the corner, commish Spencer Martin slips his hands into his pants. He loves Monta's smile.
But when the blood becomes visible, the laughing turns to somber silence. Trying not to cause a scene, Bogut hops upright. "You alright?" Bynum asks, apologetically.
Bogut looks at him, his Australian teeth covered in red blood. Australians bleed red blood, randomly. Maybe they're not so different.
"I'm focking fine, don't worry, chap," Bogut responds.
BAM! A knockout punch. Bynum stands over Bogut, spits out his Trident onto the Australian's face. "Get rid of that fucking accent!"
Later on, after practice, Bynum admits it's tough love. "We have to be on the same page here. I know Bogut's good and all, but we have to all be Americans on this team. Rules are rules. I'm a man of morals, of ethics, of principle. No accents. No funny words.
Asked what prompted the Aussie-whooping, Bynum sighs. "We were standing in practice as coach was begging Spence to stop moaning every time Monta hit a jump shot. Bogut was standing between me and Deng, and he looks at me and says, 'I feel like a focking Oreo cookie cream filler'.
"It's going to be a process, but he'll get there."
Bogut was mild-mannered after the scene at practice. "It's just a bump in the road. I know I've got to change. Maybe someday Bynum and I can go get McDonald's like American pals!"
The Americanization continued there. Shortly thereafter, Bynum returns to the locker room. Apparently word leaked about Bogut's McD's dream.
"What'd you say, bitch?" Bynum inquires.
"I...I just said...maybe someday, you know, we--we could be pals--"
Bynum chest passes the ball into Bogut's head. More blood.
"Keep bleeding like a bitch, pal, see what I got for you."
Bogut whimpers. When the crying subsides and the blood dries up, he slips under his breath, "I just want to be normal."
Asked about the process, GM Aaron Haberman said it's coming along. "We're getting Andrew where he needs to be. No more of the curly-haired, free-flowing bullshit. He stopped saying BL, GTFO, etc, and we blocked James from his buddy list. The other day I heard him call his girlfriend a bitch, and when she got upset, he told her, 'Love it or leave it' and we were all like, yeeee! Go Magic!"
Andrew Bynum rests his foot on the ground. Monta Ellis laughs giddily. Over in the corner, commish Spencer Martin slips his hands into his pants. He loves Monta's smile.
But when the blood becomes visible, the laughing turns to somber silence. Trying not to cause a scene, Bogut hops upright. "You alright?" Bynum asks, apologetically.
Bogut looks at him, his Australian teeth covered in red blood. Australians bleed red blood, randomly. Maybe they're not so different.
"I'm focking fine, don't worry, chap," Bogut responds.
BAM! A knockout punch. Bynum stands over Bogut, spits out his Trident onto the Australian's face. "Get rid of that fucking accent!"
Later on, after practice, Bynum admits it's tough love. "We have to be on the same page here. I know Bogut's good and all, but we have to all be Americans on this team. Rules are rules. I'm a man of morals, of ethics, of principle. No accents. No funny words.
Asked what prompted the Aussie-whooping, Bynum sighs. "We were standing in practice as coach was begging Spence to stop moaning every time Monta hit a jump shot. Bogut was standing between me and Deng, and he looks at me and says, 'I feel like a focking Oreo cookie cream filler'.
"It's going to be a process, but he'll get there."
Bogut was mild-mannered after the scene at practice. "It's just a bump in the road. I know I've got to change. Maybe someday Bynum and I can go get McDonald's like American pals!"
The Americanization continued there. Shortly thereafter, Bynum returns to the locker room. Apparently word leaked about Bogut's McD's dream.
"What'd you say, bitch?" Bynum inquires.
"I...I just said...maybe someday, you know, we--we could be pals--"
Bynum chest passes the ball into Bogut's head. More blood.
"Keep bleeding like a bitch, pal, see what I got for you."
Bogut whimpers. When the crying subsides and the blood dries up, he slips under his breath, "I just want to be normal."
Asked about the process, GM Aaron Haberman said it's coming along. "We're getting Andrew where he needs to be. No more of the curly-haired, free-flowing bullshit. He stopped saying BL, GTFO, etc, and we blocked James from his buddy list. The other day I heard him call his girlfriend a bitch, and when she got upset, he told her, 'Love it or leave it' and we were all like, yeeee! Go Magic!"
