Post by Funky George! on Jun 6, 2008 16:36:34 GMT -5
Andrew Bynum's running diary of his day, June 4, 2008:
8:15 AM, wake up. Girl I fucked last night tries to tell me she's leaving. Check her pockets for anything she might have stolen. Give her the wrong phone number because she was too loud during sex.
8:18 AM, fart a few times, back to bed.
8:23 AM, dog starts barking. Call Bogut, ask him to walk my dog.
8:30 AM, Bogut arrives.
8:31 AM, tell Bogut to shut the fuck up, I didn't ask what he did last night or when his mum is flying into the States. Ask him to check if my calf muscle feels stronger, fart in his face.
8:32 AM, Bogut takes dog out, go back to bed.
9:45 AM, wake up. Take a shit, make Bogut flush for me.
9:48 AM, Bogut makes me pancakes.
10:00 AM, make Bogut cook a second batch.
10:01 AM, ask Bogut if he's gay.
10:10 AM, pancakes are done. Ask Bogut seriously if my calf muscle feels any stronger. Fart in his face again.
10:20 AM, tell Bogut he has to leave if he doesn't pretend to not have an Australian accent.
11 AM, go the gym with Bogut, challenge him to play 1 on 1.
11:01 AM, Bogut's ball first. Let him drive to the basket on me, spear him in the air.
11:02 AM, break Bogut's nose, go to the trainer and get him a band-aid.
11:03 AM, kick Bogut in the nuts.
Noon, lunch. Make Bogut eat a different table.
1 PM, home. Shower with my maid, Suzanne. Make her clean my balls with her tongue. Suzanne loves that shit.
1:30 PM, watch MTV Cribs. Bogut's on.
1:33 PM, I like Bogut's car.
1:35 PM, ask Bogut for his car.
1:36 PM, tell Bogut if he doesn't give me his car I'll fuck his girlfriend.
1:40 PM, Monta comes over. He's so small.
1:41 PM, ask Monta if he wants to be my little brother.
1:42 PM, swear to Monta I didn't mean it like that.
1:45 PM, challenge Monta to NBA2K8
1:50 PM, Fuck, Habes is over.
1:55 PM, Monta and I go into the black room. Black people only so we can avoid Bogut and Habes.
2:30 PM, Habes Sharpies his face with a black permanent marker. We gotta let this guy in.
2:45 PM, Habes challenges Monta to ping pong. Monta accepts.
2:50 PM, Seriously, Monta? I mean this is my house. I invited you over. I'm your teammate. I thought we were best friends. Come play 2k8 with me, fuck ping pong.
2:52 PM, convince Monta that it's not that I'm always jealous, it's just that I wanted to play 2k8 with him.
3:15 PM, Bogut comes over. He's wearing a fucking tank top. Jesus, this guy is so Australian.
3:30 PM, Convince Bogut to let me shave his head.
3:45 PM, Get bored of shaving his head. Jab the razor into his scalp a few times and say I'm done.
4:30 PM, the guys leave. Fifty pushups in the mirror naked.
5:30 PM, sorry, I forgot about this. I swear I wasn't fucking Bogut's girlfriend.
5:35 PM, Bogut's not gonna read this, right?
5:36 PM, I was totally fucking his girlfriend.
6:30 PM, Fucked her again.
6:45 PM, She left. I fucking love that white girl.
7 PM, Bogut's back for dinner. I ask him for pancakes, he says no, chicken, french fries and onion rings.
7:02 PM, spit in Bogut's face.
7:30 PM, dinner's ready.
7:31 PM, spit in Bogut's dinner.
8:00 PM, hand Bogut my dishes.
8:10 PM, Suzanne blows me in the black room so that Bogut can't watch.
9 PM, bedtime.
8:15 AM, wake up. Girl I fucked last night tries to tell me she's leaving. Check her pockets for anything she might have stolen. Give her the wrong phone number because she was too loud during sex.
8:18 AM, fart a few times, back to bed.
8:23 AM, dog starts barking. Call Bogut, ask him to walk my dog.
8:30 AM, Bogut arrives.
8:31 AM, tell Bogut to shut the fuck up, I didn't ask what he did last night or when his mum is flying into the States. Ask him to check if my calf muscle feels stronger, fart in his face.
8:32 AM, Bogut takes dog out, go back to bed.
9:45 AM, wake up. Take a shit, make Bogut flush for me.
9:48 AM, Bogut makes me pancakes.
10:00 AM, make Bogut cook a second batch.
10:01 AM, ask Bogut if he's gay.
10:10 AM, pancakes are done. Ask Bogut seriously if my calf muscle feels any stronger. Fart in his face again.
10:20 AM, tell Bogut he has to leave if he doesn't pretend to not have an Australian accent.
11 AM, go the gym with Bogut, challenge him to play 1 on 1.
11:01 AM, Bogut's ball first. Let him drive to the basket on me, spear him in the air.
11:02 AM, break Bogut's nose, go to the trainer and get him a band-aid.
11:03 AM, kick Bogut in the nuts.
Noon, lunch. Make Bogut eat a different table.
1 PM, home. Shower with my maid, Suzanne. Make her clean my balls with her tongue. Suzanne loves that shit.
1:30 PM, watch MTV Cribs. Bogut's on.
1:33 PM, I like Bogut's car.
1:35 PM, ask Bogut for his car.
1:36 PM, tell Bogut if he doesn't give me his car I'll fuck his girlfriend.
1:40 PM, Monta comes over. He's so small.
1:41 PM, ask Monta if he wants to be my little brother.
1:42 PM, swear to Monta I didn't mean it like that.
1:45 PM, challenge Monta to NBA2K8
1:50 PM, Fuck, Habes is over.
1:55 PM, Monta and I go into the black room. Black people only so we can avoid Bogut and Habes.
2:30 PM, Habes Sharpies his face with a black permanent marker. We gotta let this guy in.
2:45 PM, Habes challenges Monta to ping pong. Monta accepts.
2:50 PM, Seriously, Monta? I mean this is my house. I invited you over. I'm your teammate. I thought we were best friends. Come play 2k8 with me, fuck ping pong.
2:52 PM, convince Monta that it's not that I'm always jealous, it's just that I wanted to play 2k8 with him.
3:15 PM, Bogut comes over. He's wearing a fucking tank top. Jesus, this guy is so Australian.
3:30 PM, Convince Bogut to let me shave his head.
3:45 PM, Get bored of shaving his head. Jab the razor into his scalp a few times and say I'm done.
4:30 PM, the guys leave. Fifty pushups in the mirror naked.
5:30 PM, sorry, I forgot about this. I swear I wasn't fucking Bogut's girlfriend.
5:35 PM, Bogut's not gonna read this, right?
5:36 PM, I was totally fucking his girlfriend.
6:30 PM, Fucked her again.
6:45 PM, She left. I fucking love that white girl.
7 PM, Bogut's back for dinner. I ask him for pancakes, he says no, chicken, french fries and onion rings.
7:02 PM, spit in Bogut's face.
7:30 PM, dinner's ready.
7:31 PM, spit in Bogut's dinner.
8:00 PM, hand Bogut my dishes.
8:10 PM, Suzanne blows me in the black room so that Bogut can't watch.
9 PM, bedtime.
