Post by Funky George! on Jun 8, 2008 20:37:55 GMT -5
"I don't know what I was thinking. I had just spent the night at my teammate Andrew Bynum's place, and we had a good time until those guys went into the designated 'black room' wherein no white guys are allowed. Then Coach Habes came over and they let him into the black room, and my world, it just came tumbling down. I was devastated."
This press release came from Andrew Bogut's hospital bed early Sunday morning as he woke with IV fluids in his arms after receiving a blood transfusion. Late Saturday night, Mr. Bogut was admitted to the hospital in downtown Orlando after his girlfriend phoned in his attempted suicide.
"Then I got home, and somehow Andrew Bynum had beaten me home and was having a time with my girlfriend, in the nude, on the kitchen table I bought her. And I was like, further devastated.
"I didn't know what to do. I took my first sip of alcohol and went and got the Betty Crocker mix and just kept making pancakes. I made chocolate chip panckaes. I made blueberry pancakes. I made banana pancakes, like that song. I mixed all of them, even, but nothing worked, and it hit me: I had nothing to live for. I tried to phone me mum, but she said she was busy boning me pops, who was a neglectful father and only came around when he was drunk. I was overwhelmed with sadness. I kiled myself. Thankfully, I didn't die. The pancakes could not taste better now. Blueberry, chocolate, banana, anything. I love pancakes."
Teammate Andrew Bynum had few words to say when reached this morning. "Oh boy. This guy is an emotional dude, that's for sure. You know what, if he wants in the black room, that's fine. He wants me to lay off his girlfriend. Fine. She shakes her tits all in my face. I'll show restraint. Hope you're doin' well, Boges."
The drama in Orlando began to unfold when a story leaked that Andrew Bogut had been drugged by teammates Bynum and Monta Ellis so that Bynum's dog could pee on Bogut's face. All parties denied the story.
Coach Aaron Haberman said the healing process begins today. "His wrist better heal fast, too. No slitting that shit. We need the jumper! Ugh. I'll probably have to upgrade his wirsts this offseason so that he can shoot next season. He's soooo Australian. Also, he loves pancakes, and it's so weird, but he's really good at making them. Good to have a guy like that around, you know? It's like, hey, Bogey, make me pancakes, bloke! And he does it. And he does it."
This press release came from Andrew Bogut's hospital bed early Sunday morning as he woke with IV fluids in his arms after receiving a blood transfusion. Late Saturday night, Mr. Bogut was admitted to the hospital in downtown Orlando after his girlfriend phoned in his attempted suicide.
"Then I got home, and somehow Andrew Bynum had beaten me home and was having a time with my girlfriend, in the nude, on the kitchen table I bought her. And I was like, further devastated.
"I didn't know what to do. I took my first sip of alcohol and went and got the Betty Crocker mix and just kept making pancakes. I made chocolate chip panckaes. I made blueberry pancakes. I made banana pancakes, like that song. I mixed all of them, even, but nothing worked, and it hit me: I had nothing to live for. I tried to phone me mum, but she said she was busy boning me pops, who was a neglectful father and only came around when he was drunk. I was overwhelmed with sadness. I kiled myself. Thankfully, I didn't die. The pancakes could not taste better now. Blueberry, chocolate, banana, anything. I love pancakes."
Teammate Andrew Bynum had few words to say when reached this morning. "Oh boy. This guy is an emotional dude, that's for sure. You know what, if he wants in the black room, that's fine. He wants me to lay off his girlfriend. Fine. She shakes her tits all in my face. I'll show restraint. Hope you're doin' well, Boges."
The drama in Orlando began to unfold when a story leaked that Andrew Bogut had been drugged by teammates Bynum and Monta Ellis so that Bynum's dog could pee on Bogut's face. All parties denied the story.
Coach Aaron Haberman said the healing process begins today. "His wrist better heal fast, too. No slitting that shit. We need the jumper! Ugh. I'll probably have to upgrade his wirsts this offseason so that he can shoot next season. He's soooo Australian. Also, he loves pancakes, and it's so weird, but he's really good at making them. Good to have a guy like that around, you know? It's like, hey, Bogey, make me pancakes, bloke! And he does it. And he does it."
