Post by Funky George! on Dec 5, 2008 12:57:42 GMT -5
"He's a five year old doing hand prints, and I'm Rembrandt, OK? You familiar with my reference? I'm Rock. Who the Hell is he? I remember the first time he dragged me over his house to play Rock Band. He sang Mr. Lonely by Akon instead of the song that was on. I just wanted to rock out to Living on the Edge by Bon Jovi, and 25 seconds into this song, Big Dog is crying. He's balling at my feet, asking me what happened. Promising he'd never fuck my dog. Who talks about fucking someone's dog? I don’t even have a dog. He’s a sick fuck.
Rocky Kelley lives his life on the edge. I don’t cry over nothing. I told my girl, Colleen, I said, check out my fucking biceps. And she did. Rocky got laid. Give me a high five, bro!!”
You’re damn right I high-fived Rocky Kelley. Great guy. Great biceps.
Anyway, that was the gist of Rocky Kelley’s response to the threats and angry words of ex-friend Aaron J. “The Big Dog, Coach H” Haberman. With the two teams set to square off on Day 82, the general managers are each seeking to get their story out over what happened in their relationship, and whether or not Rocky threw the Big Dog, Coach H, under the proverbial bus.
“Look, Rocky Kelley loves the truth. Always has. You know what they called me in high school? The Bus. Rocky Kelley is the Bus. And Big Dog was always on my nuts. He’s always been under the bus. He’s always been under Rocky Kelley. Rocky Kelley loves working out.
Now, I just want to get one ting straight. Rocky Kelley doesn’t pronounce the h in ting. And another ting. Rock man never took steroids. Did I introduce Big Dog to steroids? Yeah. It was fucking hilarious. I shot him in the ass tree times. Tree times, and he starts cryin’ that he’s going bald. Rock man does it again. Go Rocky, right? High five it, mediamen. Rocky for tree, am I right? Who’s with Rock man? Ow, fuck, my back. Colleen, I think I have a hernia. Call my mom!”
Contacted by phone late Friday, Haberman’s assistant initially refused to put him on the phone. He could be heard screaming, “The pain is so bad it’s physical!” through tears, and eventually seemed to wrestle the phone away from his assistant. However, Haberman didn’t even attempt to mutter a word through 12 minutes of shrieking cries on the phone. Eventually, I just hung up. That’s right, this reporter used the first person in his article. Boom, there’s the third person. You want the second person? Who knows what that shit is? I don’t. This reporter don’t.
Anyway, Rocky Kelley also addressed the issue of whether or not he was trying to make nice with other members of the league. “Rock man doesn’t need to make nice. Outlawz is a great guy. Love him. Maniac? Great guy. Love him. WillC? Great guy, love him. SoonerfanTU? Great guy. Love him long time, me. Rocky Kelley loves everyone. Never has a bad feeling for anyone. Diplomat to his core, that Rocky. Rock man.”
Asked whether or not he loves his biceps, Rocky Kelley was as quick-witted as ever. “It’s like my favorite rap lyrics says, ‘Workin’ out at the gym, Rocky Kelley doin’ reps/Everybody knows Rocky Kelley loves his ‘ceps/Rocky Kelley is the Rock man.”
Rocky Kelley lives his life on the edge. I don’t cry over nothing. I told my girl, Colleen, I said, check out my fucking biceps. And she did. Rocky got laid. Give me a high five, bro!!”
You’re damn right I high-fived Rocky Kelley. Great guy. Great biceps.
Anyway, that was the gist of Rocky Kelley’s response to the threats and angry words of ex-friend Aaron J. “The Big Dog, Coach H” Haberman. With the two teams set to square off on Day 82, the general managers are each seeking to get their story out over what happened in their relationship, and whether or not Rocky threw the Big Dog, Coach H, under the proverbial bus.
“Look, Rocky Kelley loves the truth. Always has. You know what they called me in high school? The Bus. Rocky Kelley is the Bus. And Big Dog was always on my nuts. He’s always been under the bus. He’s always been under Rocky Kelley. Rocky Kelley loves working out.
Now, I just want to get one ting straight. Rocky Kelley doesn’t pronounce the h in ting. And another ting. Rock man never took steroids. Did I introduce Big Dog to steroids? Yeah. It was fucking hilarious. I shot him in the ass tree times. Tree times, and he starts cryin’ that he’s going bald. Rock man does it again. Go Rocky, right? High five it, mediamen. Rocky for tree, am I right? Who’s with Rock man? Ow, fuck, my back. Colleen, I think I have a hernia. Call my mom!”
Contacted by phone late Friday, Haberman’s assistant initially refused to put him on the phone. He could be heard screaming, “The pain is so bad it’s physical!” through tears, and eventually seemed to wrestle the phone away from his assistant. However, Haberman didn’t even attempt to mutter a word through 12 minutes of shrieking cries on the phone. Eventually, I just hung up. That’s right, this reporter used the first person in his article. Boom, there’s the third person. You want the second person? Who knows what that shit is? I don’t. This reporter don’t.
Anyway, Rocky Kelley also addressed the issue of whether or not he was trying to make nice with other members of the league. “Rock man doesn’t need to make nice. Outlawz is a great guy. Love him. Maniac? Great guy. Love him. WillC? Great guy, love him. SoonerfanTU? Great guy. Love him long time, me. Rocky Kelley loves everyone. Never has a bad feeling for anyone. Diplomat to his core, that Rocky. Rock man.”
Asked whether or not he loves his biceps, Rocky Kelley was as quick-witted as ever. “It’s like my favorite rap lyrics says, ‘Workin’ out at the gym, Rocky Kelley doin’ reps/Everybody knows Rocky Kelley loves his ‘ceps/Rocky Kelley is the Rock man.”
