Post by Sheryl Yoast on Feb 24, 2009 0:30:17 GMT -5
Darkness filled the morning room. A tired Pig had awoken from his trough, with fresh mud dangling from his hair. Spitters all over the room reflected the Buffalo sun into his eyes. It was the day.....judgement day! He opens the door to his room, grabs his tin and starts to pack. He realizes that it is BBS FINAL SIM DAY! Eyes wider then a little kid at his first Christmas. He starts to pack his fresh tin.....quicker....and quicker.......and QUICKER. He starts to pant and panic. COULD THIS BE HIS LAST DAY? BBS HAS BEEN HIS LIFE FOREVER. HOW COULD HE BE FIRED. WHAT SHOULD HIS FACEBOOK STATUS BE? "Fuck BBS" he says to himself "If I can't think of a creative and witty Facebook Status for today, THEN BY WHAT RIGHT DO I HAVE TO LIVE! He throws in a lip. " Brendan is getting dressed, class, and then chilling at the crib." No, way too gay. "Brendan is (enter gay song lyrics here)" No, way too gay and generic. He enters a funny movie quote. "Unoriginal but it will get the job done." Fuck Facebook. On to BBS. Wait! Not yet! A hot porno spamware pops up on his computer. Should he click it? She has big tits! What would maniac do! X it out because he likes dudes? Yeah that is what he would do. On to BBS!
Sweat down his brow. He goes to Johnny Jungle homepage because he doesn't have BBS bookmarked. "WHY DOSEN'T HE HAVE BBS BOOKMARKED. Every time he checks the forums he has to see Johnny Jungle, 30 Million Tons of Effort for a cause equivalent of 30 Million Tons of Shit. Who cares. Get to the forums. Kid is nervous. Decides to check out some post-pad on the forums to pass time. Funny post by Mark. Not laughing though. Oh wow some witty diction by Aaron. He is paralyzed. He can't laugh at Aaron and Mark's funny material. He x's out. Kid's worried about sim. Checks out what is on T.V for that night. Heroes and 24, two great programs. BUT THERE ON AT THE SAME TIME. OH MY GOD. WHAT DOES HE DO? He will watch Raw because he can catch the Hulu the next day. Problem fixed. Back to BBS. WHAT HE FORGOT ABOUT DAYS 100-110. Decides it is safe to check it out. Or is it. Phone rings. Dumb bitch from the other night. Something about "too many Fuzzy Navel's on Saturday." Apologizes for his actions at Weiner's the other night. Weiner's is Buffalo's German Gay Bar. It is not a chick at all. WTF. Phone hang up. Phone rings. "Hey Brendan it's mom calling" Phone hang up. One by one creeps through the boxes. 100! OMG. He can't look. Is it a win or is it a loss? Who knows? He pops one eye open. Can't see the screen. Other eye open. Phone rings. NO ONE EVER FUCKING CALLS HIM ON WEEKDAYS AND NOW HE IS GETTING A FUCKING PHONE CALL EVERY MINUTE. Answers. "Fuck You Day 100" Hangs up. Records a new answering machine message. "Hey it is Brendan McEaSHUTTHEFUCKUP I'M TRYING TO CHECK SIM." That should do the trick.
Day 100. Finally. Fuck all you people. He checks. A loss. Day 101. A loss. Tears creap down his cheek. Day 102. Another loss. Violent spit into the spitter. And another. 103. A loss. Spitter into the window. He clicks out of Day 100-110 and storms out. Panic attack. Decides to write some poetry. It helps him relax. Writes about a guy who sends awful trades by PM.
Here it is
The Man
Through a computer he sent my way
a trade to save the day
through personal message
and tragedy
this specific deal made me angry
caused me agony
and i drown
through deeper waters he sank
and rose up in the shallow
too find out it was fucking galo
BBS was in his poems! It was time for Judgment Day. Can he do it. Will he have a heart attack. Call Wilford Brimley and get me some LifeSupport. Fucking A Brendan Wilford Brimley isn't the spokesperson for LifeAlert. Skip the boxes. They are gay any way. Scroll down. Team by team. Playoff standings. Golden State Warriors 40-42. "We're fucking in, we're fucking in" He screamed. Friends laughed and screamed. Pig is here, Pig is here. Everyone happy. Except for Blue. Why is Blue sad. Blue makes excuses. Blue is mad. Pig can only think Blue looks like this at his computer.
Everyone cheers. Everyone is happy. Poor Blue. Maybe tomorrow will be his day. New Facebook Status. "Brendan IS IN BBS YEEEEEEEE." Never again will he encounter the Contract Year. For fear he might end up dead!
Sweat down his brow. He goes to Johnny Jungle homepage because he doesn't have BBS bookmarked. "WHY DOSEN'T HE HAVE BBS BOOKMARKED. Every time he checks the forums he has to see Johnny Jungle, 30 Million Tons of Effort for a cause equivalent of 30 Million Tons of Shit. Who cares. Get to the forums. Kid is nervous. Decides to check out some post-pad on the forums to pass time. Funny post by Mark. Not laughing though. Oh wow some witty diction by Aaron. He is paralyzed. He can't laugh at Aaron and Mark's funny material. He x's out. Kid's worried about sim. Checks out what is on T.V for that night. Heroes and 24, two great programs. BUT THERE ON AT THE SAME TIME. OH MY GOD. WHAT DOES HE DO? He will watch Raw because he can catch the Hulu the next day. Problem fixed. Back to BBS. WHAT HE FORGOT ABOUT DAYS 100-110. Decides it is safe to check it out. Or is it. Phone rings. Dumb bitch from the other night. Something about "too many Fuzzy Navel's on Saturday." Apologizes for his actions at Weiner's the other night. Weiner's is Buffalo's German Gay Bar. It is not a chick at all. WTF. Phone hang up. Phone rings. "Hey Brendan it's mom calling" Phone hang up. One by one creeps through the boxes. 100! OMG. He can't look. Is it a win or is it a loss? Who knows? He pops one eye open. Can't see the screen. Other eye open. Phone rings. NO ONE EVER FUCKING CALLS HIM ON WEEKDAYS AND NOW HE IS GETTING A FUCKING PHONE CALL EVERY MINUTE. Answers. "Fuck You Day 100" Hangs up. Records a new answering machine message. "Hey it is Brendan McEaSHUTTHEFUCKUP I'M TRYING TO CHECK SIM." That should do the trick.
Day 100. Finally. Fuck all you people. He checks. A loss. Day 101. A loss. Tears creap down his cheek. Day 102. Another loss. Violent spit into the spitter. And another. 103. A loss. Spitter into the window. He clicks out of Day 100-110 and storms out. Panic attack. Decides to write some poetry. It helps him relax. Writes about a guy who sends awful trades by PM.
Here it is
The Man
Through a computer he sent my way
a trade to save the day
through personal message
and tragedy
this specific deal made me angry
caused me agony
and i drown
through deeper waters he sank
and rose up in the shallow
too find out it was fucking galo
BBS was in his poems! It was time for Judgment Day. Can he do it. Will he have a heart attack. Call Wilford Brimley and get me some LifeSupport. Fucking A Brendan Wilford Brimley isn't the spokesperson for LifeAlert. Skip the boxes. They are gay any way. Scroll down. Team by team. Playoff standings. Golden State Warriors 40-42. "We're fucking in, we're fucking in" He screamed. Friends laughed and screamed. Pig is here, Pig is here. Everyone happy. Except for Blue. Why is Blue sad. Blue makes excuses. Blue is mad. Pig can only think Blue looks like this at his computer.
Everyone cheers. Everyone is happy. Poor Blue. Maybe tomorrow will be his day. New Facebook Status. "Brendan IS IN BBS YEEEEEEEE." Never again will he encounter the Contract Year. For fear he might end up dead!
